Tipping Point

How Far do you tip??

We all get there to the tipping point

but it’s how far we let our minds go

It can happen in a super speedy moment

or overtime and generally very slow.

We can all get pushed and pulled

until we are broken beyond all doubt

but it’s what we do and how far we go

And how loud we are prepared to scream and shout.

Some people suffer in silence

so you never know their truth

others demonstrate unreasonably unkind behaviour

 and their destruction is their proof.

The fragility of the human mind

can snap in an instant for sure

Who are we to judge what each one suffers

unless it’s knocking at our very own door.

some people seek help and get better

some people seek no help for sure

in order for your mind to be free and at peace

Inwardly it’s always better to settle the score.

I am no expert in mental health

but I do know certain distractions

if you want to have a healthy mindset

you need to be prepared to put in certain self-help actions.

We all have darkness and terribly bad days

but tomorrow is always a new start

If only you could see the brilliance of you

it would hopefully mend your lost heart.

As humans it’s really very simple

we just need to love and be loved

there are no magical cures or potions

or even guidance from whatever’s above.

Next time you’re feeling dark and alone

with nothing else to ponder on or see

tell yourself this very simple sentence

I have time, I have now, so let me help me.

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Your True Authentic Self

Be the best version of you!

Russian Dolls Inside out…

It’s like peeling back the layers.

Revealing of the inner self.

Do we want to be on display

Or remain as one on the shelf.

It’s like stripping to the core,

Of the person we’d like to be,

Do we stay where we’re tolerated,

Or do we cut the strings and break free.

No matter how we are moulded,

There is one thing you can’t hide.

That although we are together,

We are all unique Inside.

So as you uncover each layer,

There really is no doubt,

That whilst it’s good to feel protected.

It’s even better to stand out.

Find your courage in your conviction,

Stand proud and be true,

And always strive to be

The best person inside of you..

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Anxiety a visual perspective!

Worrying is carrying tomorrow’s load with today’s strength- carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength” (Corrie Ten Boom ).

Anxiety what you can and cant see!

Over at the TLC Counselling hub we are seeing an increasing number of clients with anxiety or anxiety based issues walking through our door.

So what is anxiety?

Anxiety is what we experience when we are troubled, tense or afraid particularly about things that are about to happen, or which we think could happen in the future. Things that we actually usually have no control over. Anxiety is a natural human response that recognises when we are under threat. It can be experienced through our thoughts, feelings and physical sensations. Also known as the flight fight response.

An involuntary response from birth.

Signs and symptoms

The list is not prescriptive and not to be used as a diagnostic tool. Common signs and symptoms present as:

Effects on your body

  • a feeling of being completely overwhelmed
  • churning feeling in your stomach
  • feeling light-headed or dizzy
  • pins and needles
  • feeling restless or unable to sit still
  • headaches, backache or other aches and pains
  • faster breathing
  • a fast or irregular heartbeat
  • sweating or hot flushes
  • problems sleeping
  • nausea
  • lack-increase of appetite
  • changes in your sex drive
  • having panic attacks.

Effects on your mind

  • rumination – thinking over and over about the same thing, until it is all you can think about.
  • depersonalisation – feeling disconnected from your mind or body, or like you’re watching someone else
  • worrying a lot about things that might happen in the future –
  • feeling tense, nervous or unable to relax
  • having a sense of dread, or fearing the worst, taking thoughts to the worst case scenario.
  • feeling like the world is speeding up or slowing down
  • feeling like other people can see you’re anxious and are looking at you
  • feeling like you can’t stop worrying, or that bad things will happen if you stop worrying
  • worrying about anxiety itself, for example worrying about when panic attacks might happen
  • wanting lots of reassurance from other people or worrying that people are angry or upset with you
  • worrying that you’re losing touch with reality
Anxiety takes away tomorrows peace.

What Causes Anxiety?

No one knows exactly what causes anxiety problems, but there are probably lots of factors involved.

  • unresolved past or childhood experiences
  • stress
  • your current life situation
  • physical and mental health problems
  • drugs and medication

Research shows that having a close relative with anxiety problems increases your chances of experiencing anxiety problems yourself. Currently there is not enough evidence to show whether genetic factors make us more prone to developing anxiety, or because we learn patterns of behaviour from our parents and other family members as develop.


Be in control.

Self-help useful resources

A self-help resource might be the first treatment option your doctor offers you. This is because it’s available quite quickly, and there’s a chance it could help you to feel better without needing to try other options.

Self-help could be delivered through:

  • Workbooks. For example, your GP might recommend particular titles from a scheme called Reading Well Books on Prescription. This scheme is supported by most local libraries, so you can go and check the books out for free – you don’t actually need a prescription from a doctor. (Find out more on the Reading Well website).
  • A computer-based CBT programme for treating anxiety and panic attacks. There are several app-based CBT courses recommended on the NHS apps library, which you can search to find an app that may work for you. 

Talking Therapies & Relaxation Techniques

If self-help resources aren’t likely to help with the anxiety problems you’re experiencing, or you’ve already tried them and they haven’t helped, your doctor should offer you a talking treatment. There are three types of treatments recommended for anxiety.

  • Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) – this focuses on how your thoughts, beliefs and attitudes affect your feelings and behaviour, and teaches you coping skills for dealing with different problems.
  • Counselling with a qualified counsellor who will listen without judgement about your anxiety issues. Sometimes just saying it out loud will be beneficial. Over at the TLC Counselling Hub we use creative therapy to try to find out the root cause of your anxiety.
  • Mindfulness – Mindfulness is the psychological process of purposely bringing one’s attention to experiences occurring in the present moment without judgment, which one can develop through the practice of meditation, relaxation. Mindfulness is derived from Buddhist traditions.
No time like the present to be mindful!

“Anxiety’s like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you very far” (Jodi Picoult).

Thanks for taking time to read our latest blog please leave comments if you would like to see other issues covered. The TLC Hub 2019.

References

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anxiety-and-panic-attacks/#.XalJP_ZFzIU

https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/anxiety

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindfulness

Why Self Care is Good for the Soul!

Over at the TLC Counselling Hub we recognise the importance of self care. In light of World Mental Health Day on October 10th 2019, now has never been a better time to look after yourself and your metal health. We find colour and regular walks by the sea are the Hub’s grin and tonic!

We realise how important self care is and why we need to make it a priority in our life. Self care is vital for our mental, emotional, and physical well being. It aides to help maintaining a healthy relationship with yourself and helps to boost confidence and self esteem. Self care also promotes positive feelings and can aid in awareness of self, others and the environment.

What is mental health?

Mental health is defined not just in terms of the absence of mental disorder, but is a state of wellbeing in which every individual realises his or her own potential, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to her or his community’ (WHO 2014).

Who is affected by mental health?

In many ways, mental health is just like physical health: everybody has it and we need to take care of it. Mental health problems affect around one in four people in any given year. They range from common problems, such as OCD, depression, anxiety, loss, trauma to rarer problems such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.

Anyone can suffer from mental health issues affecting
around 1 in 4 people in a year.

What are the early warning signs?

Changes in mood and attitude can provide the first signs that all is not well. Mood swings and social withdrawal may indicate some degree of emotional distress. Any of the following, might provide an indication that something is not right for the individual and they could be experiencing some degree of mental health difficulty. It is important to view this list in terms of a collection of signs rather than as a diagnostic tool.

  • Low mood
  • Erratic or unpredictable behaviour
  • Agitation or overt anxiety
  • Social withdrawal/avoidance of social interactions or contact
  • Reduced attendance work/school/college
  • Sleep or appetite disturbance
  • Poor concentration and or motivation
  • Unexplained prolonged crying
Living with anxiety is like….

So how can I look after my mental health?

The Mental Health Foundation offer these 10 suggestions for better mental health:

  • Keep active
  • Eat well
  • Drink sensibly
  • Keep in touch
  • Ask for help
  • Take a break
  • Do something you are good at
  • Accept who you are Care for others

References

https://www.imperial.ac.uk/counselling/mental-health-guidelines/definition/

https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/publications/how-to-mental-health

https://www.bing.com/search?q=world+health+definition+on+mental+health&FORM=EDGNCT&PC=HCTS&refig=fe2328a64d1b4e1cf52a279539d28ae3&DAF1=1

As I began to love myself…

Charlie Chaplin Aged 26

This poem was thought to have been given as a speech by Charlie Chaplin on his 70th birthday.

Over at he TLC Hub we love this poem as it is very much in keeping with the Gestalt way of being and very much in the moment!

As I began to love myself 
I found that anguish and emotional suffering 
are only warning signs that I was living 
against my own truth. 
Today, I know, this is Authenticity.

As I began to love myself 
I understood how much it can offend somebody 
if I try to force my desires on this person, 
even though I knew the time was not right 
and the person was not ready for it, 
and even though this person was me. 
Today I call this Respect.

As I began to love myself 
I stopped craving for a different life, 
and I could see that everything 
that surrounded me 
was inviting me to grow. 
Today I call this Maturity.

As I began to love myself 
I understood that at any circumstance, 
I am in the right place at the right time, 
and everything happens at the exactly right moment. 
So I could be calm. 
Today I call this Self-Confidence.

As I began to love myself 
I quit stealing my own time, 
and I stopped designing huge projects 
for the future. 
Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, 
things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, 
and I do them in my own way 
and in my own rhythm. 
Today I call this Simplicity.

As I began to love myself 
I freed myself of anything 
that is no good for my health – 
food, people, things, situations, 
and everything that drew me down 
and away from myself. 
At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. 
Today I know it is Love of Oneself.

As I began to love myself 
I quit trying to always be right, 
and ever since 
I was wrong less of the time. 
Today I discovered that is Modesty.

As I began to love myself 
I refused to go on living in the past 
and worrying about the future. 
Now, I only live for the moment, 
where everything is happening. 
Today I live each day, 
day by day, 
and I call it Fulfillment.

As I began to love myself 
I recognized 
that my mind can disturb me 
and it can make me sick. 
But as I connected it to my heart, 
my mind became a valuable ally. 
Today I call this connection Wisdom of the Heart.

We no longer need to fear arguments, 
confrontations or any kind of problems 
with ourselves or others. 
Even stars collide, 
and out of their crashing, new worlds are born. 
Today I know: This is Life!

The actual author is a re-translation (from Portuguese-BR) of a text from the book “When I Loved Myself Enough” by Kim & Alison McMillen (2001).

Would you Rather….

A happy, creative, carefree child or..
A stressed, anxious, repressed child.

As Albert Einstein once said, “To stimulate creativity, one must develop the childlike inclination for play.” So, what exactly is the link between childhood and creativity?

Creativity and Play and Fostering Creativity

Creativity is the freest form of self-expression. There is nothing more satisfying and fulfilling for children than to be able to express themselves openly and without fear of judgment. The ability to be creative, to create something from personal feelings and experiences, can reflect and nurture children’s emotional health and mental well being.

The experiences children have during their first years of life can significantly enhance the development of their creativity. Unfortunately in today’s society we want to wrap our children up in cotton wool. They need to spend more time getting messy. We have created a germ phobic society. To be honest there are probably more germs on their mobile phones, than their paint brush if they even own one!

The Carefree Child’s artwork really is a beautiful piece of art. So much freedom and self expression.

Importance of the Creative Process
All children need to be truly creative is the freedom to commit themselves completely to the effort and make whatever activity they are doing their own. What’s important in any creative act is the process of self-expression. Creative experiences can help children express and cope with their feelings.

A child’s creative activity can help teachers to learn more about what the child may be thinking or feeling. Creativity also fosters mental growth in children by providing opportunities for trying out new ideas, and new ways of thinking and problem-solving. Creative activities help acknowledge and celebrate children’s uniqueness and diversity


The Benefits of Creativity for all

Freedom: There is no right or wrong way to be creative. When we create, it gives us the opportunity to engage with the world without judging ourselves. To return to the feeling of freedom we may have experienced during childhood. Where we did not have to know or be an expert. It gives us permission to take risks, try new things, and strip away inhibitions in a healthy way.

Self-awareness and Expression: Creativity is the route to authenticity. As we create we begin to access our thoughts, feelings and beliefs. When we take the time and energy to develop our own ideas, we learn to understand, trust and respect our inner self, (inner child), in turn enabling us to better express ourselves. You may be surprised at the resources, thoughts and impulses that you discover there.

Faith and confidence in our instincts: When we create, we may start to value our work, even if it is not published, displayed or presented to the public. We can learn to trust our instincts and gain confidence from expressing them. This confidence carries over into decisions we make in other areas of life.

Stress Relief: Being creative is meditative. Taking the time to use our hands, minds, and energy doing something we enjoy and that makes us happy is of highest importance in life. Creativity is fun, and doing anything that brings joy reduces our stress levels and improves our quality of life.

Problem solving: There isn’t a manual to being an artist, Monet didn’t follow a script, and there isn’t a manual for being alive. Obstacles and challenges throughout life are inevitable they are part of the journey. However, when we make creativity a habit, we continue to learn new, resourceful ways of solving problems in our artwork, and in our personal life.

And Finally

Creativity is a celebration of one’s grandeur, one’s sense of making anything possible.” ~ Joseph C Zinker

Creativity in Gestalt therapy means venturing beyond self-expression and entering the dynamics of the productive interchange within the therapeutic relationship. Gestalt therapy uses creative mediums to help the person make sense of who they are in the world. No matter how old we are creativity is a form of self-expression of feelings and experiences.

The inner child never really leaves us, so go grab that paint, or those beads, or that glitter, sand or mud and create something unique and beautiful today!

The Inner Child never really leaves us. We just choose not to connect with them as adults!

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References

Amabile, 1 (1989). Growing up creative: Nurturing a lifetime of creativity. New York: Crown.

Bergen, D. (Ed.). (1988). Play as a medium for learning and development: A handbook of theory and practice. Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann.

Chenfeld, M. B. (1983). Creative activities for young children. (2nd ed.) New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich.

Church, E. B., & Miller, K. (1990). Learning through play: Blocks: A practical guide for teaching young children. New York: Scholastic.

https://lifelabs.psychologies.co.uk/users/8838-nicola-vanlint/posts/4292-the-positive-benefits-of-creativity
http://www.gisc.orgwww.gisc.org/gestaltreview/documents/ArtandCreativityinGestaltTherapy-Amendt-Lyon.pdf
https://www.azquotes.com/author/68078-Joseph_C_Zinker

What colour is your emotion today?

Over at the TLC Counselling Hub we love a bit of colour. Is it any wonder why we are very drawn to Plutchik’s 1980 Wheel of Emotions.

Walking around with a mind full of confusion and uncertainty can make anyone feel sad or overwhelmed. This is especially true of individuals who want to understand themselves or a stressful situation, but don’t know where to start. With a wheel of emotions, the individual can view the various emotions and pinpoint the specific ones they’re experiencing in the moment. This fits very well with our Gestalt theory, in that is predominantly about awareness.

Emotions influence our health, performance, well-being, motivation, sense of fulfillment, and decision-making skills. It’s important to understand and manage them. When people don’t understand their current emotion, they may panic as their internal locus of control leaves them in disillusionment. When our emotions are triggered, they are done so to elicit one of our basic survival behaviors. This happens on a subconscious level, i.e out of our awareness.

Plutchik’s Wheel Of Emotions

Psychologist Robert Plutchik states that there are 8 basic emotions: joy, trust, fear, surprise, sadness, anticipation, anger, and disgust. Plutchik’s wheel of emotions illustrates these 8 basic emotions and the various ways they relate to one another, including which ones are opposites and which ones can easily turn into another one. This framework helps bring clarity to emotions, which can sometimes feel mysterious and overwhelming.

Opposites: Each primary emotion has a polar opposite, so that:

  • Joy is the opposite of sadness.
  • Fear is the opposite of anger.
  • Anticipation is the opposite of surprise.
  • Disgust is the opposite of trust.

Combinations: The emotions with no color represent an emotion that is a mix of the 2 primary emotions. For example, anticipation and joy combine to be optimism. Joy and trust combine to be love. Emotions are often complex, and being able to recognize when a feeling is actually a combination of two or more distinct feelings is a helpful skill. 

Intensity:  The cone’s vertical dimension represents intensity – emotions intensify as they move from the outside to the center of the wheel, which is also indicated by the color: The darker the shade, the more intense the emotion. For example, anger at its least level of intensity is annoyance. At its highest level of intensity, anger becomes rage. Or, a feeling of boredom can intensify to loathing if left unchecked, which is dark purple.

Being attuned with what one is feeling (and therefore doing) can be very empowering. Instead of trying to suppress, reject, or ignore emotions, people learn how to express and share them in a constructive way, as well as analyse the role they play in one’s life.

Gaining awareness in this area can give clients a chance to align themselves with the things they want, the outcomes that interest them, and the emotional states that help them work towards their goals despite imminent challenges. Being in awareness can bring about great change for individuals.

References

https://positivepsychology.com/emotion-wheel/ https://www.6seconds.org/2017/04/27/plutchiks-model-of-emotions/

Rainbow Keys Open the Door to the TLC Hub

Over at the TLC Counselling Hub we are very excited today, as today we welcome our very first client through the door. These keys were given as a gift by a very thoughtful kind friend who has supported my journey from start to finish for the last seven years. Seven years of hard work, seven years of continued friendship, and seven being her lucky number. The Hub dedicate this rainbow poem to you.

Catching Rainbows…

If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you
And share with you its beauty
On the days you’re feeling blue

If I could catch a rainbow
then I would turn it upside down
So you are always smiling
Without the merest glimpse of frown.

If I could catch a rainbow
You would have that pot of gold
But it wouldn’t be the treasure
But a person you would get to hold

If I could catch a rainbow
Then we would have found the rainbows end
But we would have found it together
My dearest, loving, caring friend.

NTB 19







It’s all about the love…

Hands up for love…

On Saturday the 30th of June the TLC Counselling Hub attended a 6 hour study day on attachment with one of the leading speakers of the field Jeff Lane. Why does that matter we hear you say. It matters because attachment lays the foundations for how we fundamentally form relationships with others.

Our style of attachment affects everything from our partner selection to how well our relationships progress, the choice of friendships we form to, sadly, how they end. That is why recognizing our attachment pattern can help us understand our strengths and vulnerabilities in our relationships. An attachment pattern is established in early childhood s and continues to function as a working model for relationships in adulthood.

So are there different attachment styles?

Mary Ainsworth (1970) a leading psychologist of her time, identified three main attachment types, secure type, insecure avoidant type and insecure ambivalent/resistant type. She proclaimed that these attachment styles were the result of early interactions with the primary caregiver e.g. mother, father, grandparents ect.
A fourth attachment type known as disorganized was later identified by (Main, & Solomon, 1990).

The three main attachment types

Secure Type of Attachment

Such children feel confident that the attachment figure will be available to meet their needs. They use the attachment figure as a safe base to explore the environment and seek the attachment figure in times of distress. Securely attached adults tend to be more satisfied in their relationships. A secure adult has a similar relationship with their romantic partner, feeling secure and connected, while allowing themselves and their partner to move freely.

Secure attachment style

Insecure- Avoidant Type of Attachment

Insecure avoidant children do not orientate to their attachment figure while investigating the environment. They are very independent of the attachment figure both physically and emotionally. They do not seek contact with the attachment figure when distressed. Such children are likely to have a caregiver who is insensitive and rejecting of their needs and is often unavailable during times of emotional distress.

Unlike securely attached couples, people with an anxious attachment tend to be desperate to form a fantasy bond. Instead of feeling real love or trust toward their partner, they often feel emotional hunger. They’re frequently looking to their partner to rescue or complete them. Although they’re seeking a sense of safety and security by clinging to their partner, they take actions that push their partner away.

Insecure attachment style

Insecure Ambivalent/Resistant Type of Attachment

Here children adopt an ambivalent behavioral style towards the attachment figure. The child will commonly exhibit clingy and dependent behavior, but will be rejecting of the attachment figure when they engage in interaction. The child fails to develop any feelings of security from the attachment figure. Accordingly, they exhibit difficulty moving away from the attachment figure to explore novel surroundings. When distressed they are difficult to soothe and are not comforted by interaction with the attachment figure. This behavior results from an inconsistent level of response to their needs from the primary caregiver.

People with a insecure ambivalent style of attachment have the tendency to emotionally distance themselves from their partner. They may seek isolation and feel “pseudo-independent,” taking on the role of parenting themselves. They often come off as focused on themselves and may be overly attending to their creature comforts. They are often psychologically defended and have the ability to shut down emotionally. 

Insecure Ambivalent/Resistant Type of Attachment

Thanks for reading our article.

References

https://www.simplypsychology.org/mary-ainsworth.html
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/compassion-matters/201307/how-your-attachment-style-impacts-your-relationship

Whoosh off she goes…..

Now the fun Begins…

So today sees the Launch of the TLC Counselling Hub. We are very excited to be sharing this unique counselling service to the people of Andover. Please contact us for further information.