As I began to love myself…

Charlie Chaplin Aged 26

This poem was thought to have been given as a speech by Charlie Chaplin on his 70th birthday.

Over at he TLC Hub we love this poem as it is very much in keeping with the Gestalt way of being and very much in the moment!

As I began to love myself 
I found that anguish and emotional suffering 
are only warning signs that I was living 
against my own truth. 
Today, I know, this is Authenticity.

As I began to love myself 
I understood how much it can offend somebody 
if I try to force my desires on this person, 
even though I knew the time was not right 
and the person was not ready for it, 
and even though this person was me. 
Today I call this Respect.

As I began to love myself 
I stopped craving for a different life, 
and I could see that everything 
that surrounded me 
was inviting me to grow. 
Today I call this Maturity.

As I began to love myself 
I understood that at any circumstance, 
I am in the right place at the right time, 
and everything happens at the exactly right moment. 
So I could be calm. 
Today I call this Self-Confidence.

As I began to love myself 
I quit stealing my own time, 
and I stopped designing huge projects 
for the future. 
Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, 
things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, 
and I do them in my own way 
and in my own rhythm. 
Today I call this Simplicity.

As I began to love myself 
I freed myself of anything 
that is no good for my health – 
food, people, things, situations, 
and everything that drew me down 
and away from myself. 
At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. 
Today I know it is Love of Oneself.

As I began to love myself 
I quit trying to always be right, 
and ever since 
I was wrong less of the time. 
Today I discovered that is Modesty.

As I began to love myself 
I refused to go on living in the past 
and worrying about the future. 
Now, I only live for the moment, 
where everything is happening. 
Today I live each day, 
day by day, 
and I call it Fulfillment.

As I began to love myself 
I recognized 
that my mind can disturb me 
and it can make me sick. 
But as I connected it to my heart, 
my mind became a valuable ally. 
Today I call this connection Wisdom of the Heart.

We no longer need to fear arguments, 
confrontations or any kind of problems 
with ourselves or others. 
Even stars collide, 
and out of their crashing, new worlds are born. 
Today I know: This is Life!

The actual author is a re-translation (from Portuguese-BR) of a text from the book “When I Loved Myself Enough” by Kim & Alison McMillen (2001).

Would you Rather….

A happy, creative, carefree child or..
A stressed, anxious, repressed child.

As Albert Einstein once said, “To stimulate creativity, one must develop the childlike inclination for play.” So, what exactly is the link between childhood and creativity?

Creativity and Play and Fostering Creativity

Creativity is the freest form of self-expression. There is nothing more satisfying and fulfilling for children than to be able to express themselves openly and without fear of judgment. The ability to be creative, to create something from personal feelings and experiences, can reflect and nurture children’s emotional health and mental well being.

The experiences children have during their first years of life can significantly enhance the development of their creativity. Unfortunately in today’s society we want to wrap our children up in cotton wool. They need to spend more time getting messy. We have created a germ phobic society. To be honest there are probably more germs on their mobile phones, than their paint brush if they even own one!

The Carefree Child’s artwork really is a beautiful piece of art. So much freedom and self expression.

Importance of the Creative Process
All children need to be truly creative is the freedom to commit themselves completely to the effort and make whatever activity they are doing their own. What’s important in any creative act is the process of self-expression. Creative experiences can help children express and cope with their feelings.

A child’s creative activity can help teachers to learn more about what the child may be thinking or feeling. Creativity also fosters mental growth in children by providing opportunities for trying out new ideas, and new ways of thinking and problem-solving. Creative activities help acknowledge and celebrate children’s uniqueness and diversity


The Benefits of Creativity for all

Freedom: There is no right or wrong way to be creative. When we create, it gives us the opportunity to engage with the world without judging ourselves. To return to the feeling of freedom we may have experienced during childhood. Where we did not have to know or be an expert. It gives us permission to take risks, try new things, and strip away inhibitions in a healthy way.

Self-awareness and Expression: Creativity is the route to authenticity. As we create we begin to access our thoughts, feelings and beliefs. When we take the time and energy to develop our own ideas, we learn to understand, trust and respect our inner self, (inner child), in turn enabling us to better express ourselves. You may be surprised at the resources, thoughts and impulses that you discover there.

Faith and confidence in our instincts: When we create, we may start to value our work, even if it is not published, displayed or presented to the public. We can learn to trust our instincts and gain confidence from expressing them. This confidence carries over into decisions we make in other areas of life.

Stress Relief: Being creative is meditative. Taking the time to use our hands, minds, and energy doing something we enjoy and that makes us happy is of highest importance in life. Creativity is fun, and doing anything that brings joy reduces our stress levels and improves our quality of life.

Problem solving: There isn’t a manual to being an artist, Monet didn’t follow a script, and there isn’t a manual for being alive. Obstacles and challenges throughout life are inevitable they are part of the journey. However, when we make creativity a habit, we continue to learn new, resourceful ways of solving problems in our artwork, and in our personal life.

And Finally

Creativity is a celebration of one’s grandeur, one’s sense of making anything possible.” ~ Joseph C Zinker

Creativity in Gestalt therapy means venturing beyond self-expression and entering the dynamics of the productive interchange within the therapeutic relationship. Gestalt therapy uses creative mediums to help the person make sense of who they are in the world. No matter how old we are creativity is a form of self-expression of feelings and experiences.

The inner child never really leaves us, so go grab that paint, or those beads, or that glitter, sand or mud and create something unique and beautiful today!

The Inner Child never really leaves us. We just choose not to connect with them as adults!

NTB 19

References

Amabile, 1 (1989). Growing up creative: Nurturing a lifetime of creativity. New York: Crown.

Bergen, D. (Ed.). (1988). Play as a medium for learning and development: A handbook of theory and practice. Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann.

Chenfeld, M. B. (1983). Creative activities for young children. (2nd ed.) New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich.

Church, E. B., & Miller, K. (1990). Learning through play: Blocks: A practical guide for teaching young children. New York: Scholastic.

https://lifelabs.psychologies.co.uk/users/8838-nicola-vanlint/posts/4292-the-positive-benefits-of-creativity
http://www.gisc.orgwww.gisc.org/gestaltreview/documents/ArtandCreativityinGestaltTherapy-Amendt-Lyon.pdf
https://www.azquotes.com/author/68078-Joseph_C_Zinker

What colour is your emotion today?

Over at the TLC Counselling Hub we love a bit of colour. Is it any wonder why we are very drawn to Plutchik’s 1980 Wheel of Emotions.

Walking around with a mind full of confusion and uncertainty can make anyone feel sad or overwhelmed. This is especially true of individuals who want to understand themselves or a stressful situation, but don’t know where to start. With a wheel of emotions, the individual can view the various emotions and pinpoint the specific ones they’re experiencing in the moment. This fits very well with our Gestalt theory, in that is predominantly about awareness.

Emotions influence our health, performance, well-being, motivation, sense of fulfillment, and decision-making skills. It’s important to understand and manage them. When people don’t understand their current emotion, they may panic as their internal locus of control leaves them in disillusionment. When our emotions are triggered, they are done so to elicit one of our basic survival behaviors. This happens on a subconscious level, i.e out of our awareness.

Plutchik’s Wheel Of Emotions

Psychologist Robert Plutchik states that there are 8 basic emotions: joy, trust, fear, surprise, sadness, anticipation, anger, and disgust. Plutchik’s wheel of emotions illustrates these 8 basic emotions and the various ways they relate to one another, including which ones are opposites and which ones can easily turn into another one. This framework helps bring clarity to emotions, which can sometimes feel mysterious and overwhelming.

Opposites: Each primary emotion has a polar opposite, so that:

  • Joy is the opposite of sadness.
  • Fear is the opposite of anger.
  • Anticipation is the opposite of surprise.
  • Disgust is the opposite of trust.

Combinations: The emotions with no color represent an emotion that is a mix of the 2 primary emotions. For example, anticipation and joy combine to be optimism. Joy and trust combine to be love. Emotions are often complex, and being able to recognize when a feeling is actually a combination of two or more distinct feelings is a helpful skill. 

Intensity:  The cone’s vertical dimension represents intensity – emotions intensify as they move from the outside to the center of the wheel, which is also indicated by the color: The darker the shade, the more intense the emotion. For example, anger at its least level of intensity is annoyance. At its highest level of intensity, anger becomes rage. Or, a feeling of boredom can intensify to loathing if left unchecked, which is dark purple.

Being attuned with what one is feeling (and therefore doing) can be very empowering. Instead of trying to suppress, reject, or ignore emotions, people learn how to express and share them in a constructive way, as well as analyse the role they play in one’s life.

Gaining awareness in this area can give clients a chance to align themselves with the things they want, the outcomes that interest them, and the emotional states that help them work towards their goals despite imminent challenges. Being in awareness can bring about great change for individuals.

References

https://positivepsychology.com/emotion-wheel/ https://www.6seconds.org/2017/04/27/plutchiks-model-of-emotions/

Rainbow Keys Open the Door to the TLC Hub

Over at the TLC Counselling Hub we are very excited today, as today we welcome our very first client through the door. These keys were given as a gift by a very thoughtful kind friend who has supported my journey from start to finish for the last seven years. Seven years of hard work, seven years of continued friendship, and seven being her lucky number. The Hub dedicate this rainbow poem to you.

Catching Rainbows…

If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you
And share with you its beauty
On the days you’re feeling blue

If I could catch a rainbow
then I would turn it upside down
So you are always smiling
Without the merest glimpse of frown.

If I could catch a rainbow
You would have that pot of gold
But it wouldn’t be the treasure
But a person you would get to hold

If I could catch a rainbow
Then we would have found the rainbows end
But we would have found it together
My dearest, loving, caring friend.

NTB 19







It’s all about the love…

Hands up for love…

On Saturday the 30th of June the TLC Counselling Hub attended a 6 hour study day on attachment with one of the leading speakers of the field Jeff Lane. Why does that matter we hear you say. It matters because attachment lays the foundations for how we fundamentally form relationships with others.

Our style of attachment affects everything from our partner selection to how well our relationships progress, the choice of friendships we form to, sadly, how they end. That is why recognizing our attachment pattern can help us understand our strengths and vulnerabilities in our relationships. An attachment pattern is established in early childhood s and continues to function as a working model for relationships in adulthood.

So are there different attachment styles?

Mary Ainsworth (1970) a leading psychologist of her time, identified three main attachment types, secure type, insecure avoidant type and insecure ambivalent/resistant type. She proclaimed that these attachment styles were the result of early interactions with the primary caregiver e.g. mother, father, grandparents ect.
A fourth attachment type known as disorganized was later identified by (Main, & Solomon, 1990).

The three main attachment types

Secure Type of Attachment

Such children feel confident that the attachment figure will be available to meet their needs. They use the attachment figure as a safe base to explore the environment and seek the attachment figure in times of distress. Securely attached adults tend to be more satisfied in their relationships. A secure adult has a similar relationship with their romantic partner, feeling secure and connected, while allowing themselves and their partner to move freely.

Secure attachment style

Insecure- Avoidant Type of Attachment

Insecure avoidant children do not orientate to their attachment figure while investigating the environment. They are very independent of the attachment figure both physically and emotionally. They do not seek contact with the attachment figure when distressed. Such children are likely to have a caregiver who is insensitive and rejecting of their needs and is often unavailable during times of emotional distress.

Unlike securely attached couples, people with an anxious attachment tend to be desperate to form a fantasy bond. Instead of feeling real love or trust toward their partner, they often feel emotional hunger. They’re frequently looking to their partner to rescue or complete them. Although they’re seeking a sense of safety and security by clinging to their partner, they take actions that push their partner away.

Insecure attachment style

Insecure Ambivalent/Resistant Type of Attachment

Here children adopt an ambivalent behavioral style towards the attachment figure. The child will commonly exhibit clingy and dependent behavior, but will be rejecting of the attachment figure when they engage in interaction. The child fails to develop any feelings of security from the attachment figure. Accordingly, they exhibit difficulty moving away from the attachment figure to explore novel surroundings. When distressed they are difficult to soothe and are not comforted by interaction with the attachment figure. This behavior results from an inconsistent level of response to their needs from the primary caregiver.

People with a insecure ambivalent style of attachment have the tendency to emotionally distance themselves from their partner. They may seek isolation and feel “pseudo-independent,” taking on the role of parenting themselves. They often come off as focused on themselves and may be overly attending to their creature comforts. They are often psychologically defended and have the ability to shut down emotionally. 

Insecure Ambivalent/Resistant Type of Attachment

Thanks for reading our article.

References

https://www.simplypsychology.org/mary-ainsworth.html
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/compassion-matters/201307/how-your-attachment-style-impacts-your-relationship

Whoosh off she goes…..

Now the fun Begins…

So today sees the Launch of the TLC Counselling Hub. We are very excited to be sharing this unique counselling service to the people of Andover. Please contact us for further information.

We all have to start somewhere…

So today sees the start of a very important journey for me. As I hurl myself forward into the world of counselling it is with great pride that I start preparing for my future.

I have immersed myself in counselling courses since 2012. Having just completed a foundation degree in Humanistic/Gestalt counselling, I can now plan for a very promising worthwhile career. A career where being kind, creative, showing unconditional positive regard and empathy is all part of of the process in helping people.

We all have the ability in life to achieve great things and I truly believe this is by far one of my greatest life achievements!

NTB 19