From a young age, I always knew I was different from other children. I was a very gentle, quiet child. I had an innate empathy towards people and animals, and a sensitivity to emotions and the world unfolding around me. The one thing I was always very drawn to from that very age was colour.
At that tender age, I couldn’t possibly know that what I have are traits of Synesthesia.
So, What is Synaesthesia?
Someone is either born with synesthesia or develops the condition at an early age. The condition does not affect an individual’s general health.
Some suspect the sensory crossover occurs due to the presence of additional neurons, which may link the affected senses. Another theory involves changes to how the brain receives information, as well as how that information gets processed.
It’s important to note that, despite the very different way that someone with synesthesia experiences and processes the world, it is not a form of or a sign of mental illness. In fact, studies and anecdotal data suggest that people with synesthesia are often highly intelligent, and it is often linked to traits of autism.
🧠Neurodivergent minds often favour pattern recognition, associative thinking, and sensory richness. Instead of categorising things as “this or that,” your brain might link ideas through metaphor, emotion, or visual resonance. Colour becomes a language more expressive than black-and-white logic.
🎨 Sensory Sensitivity: Saturated Perception
Many neurodivergent folks experience heightened sensory input. Colours aren’t just seen they’re felt. A shade might evoke a memory, a mood, a boundary. You might process emotional states through visual tones, making colour a kind of emotional shorthand.
✨ Symbolic Cognition: Living in Metaphor
You don’t just think, you story. You annotate, you name, you visualise the words differently. Colour is the perfect vessel for that kind of cognition.
So if this has resonated with you today or someone you know, then it’s time we started to open our eyes and see things differently!
So why do some people seem born to shine a little brighter?
It’s not just talent, it’s resonance. Some carry an intrinsic charge embodying archetypes like the Healer, the Muse, the Visionary. Others shine through difference: With neurodivergent minds that see what others miss, feel, or what others overlook.
Many glow because they’ve walked through the shadows of their past. Their light is forged in grief, in pain, in heartbreak, and despair.
Some shine because someone saw them. A teacher, a counsellor, a friend, a stranger who said, “You matter.” That moment of recognition can ignite a lifetime of light.
Brightness isn’t always loud. Sometimes it’s quiet, steady, symbolic. But it always matters.
The Hotel of Love as a Metaphor for Emotional Well-being
Oh, we do love using metaphors over at the TLC Counselling Hub. We believe healing begins with hospitality, not the kind found in star ratings or thread counts, but the kind that welcomes every part of you, even the ones you’ve tried to leave at the door.
I’d like you to imagine your inner world as a grand old hotel. Some days, you arrive exhausted, dragging emotional luggage behind you. Other days, you’re ready to check in, open to rest, reflection, and renewal. Sometimes, you’re halfway out the door, unsure whether to stay or go.
This metaphor is the Hotel of Love, and you are always welcome.
Checking In: The Courage to Begin Again
To check in is to say: I’m ready to be seen. It’s the moment you stop running from your feelings and start unpacking them. You open your suitcase and find grief folded next to joy, anxiety tucked beside hope. You don’t have to sort it all at once; you just have to commit to yourself and stay.
In counselling, checking in might look like:
Choosing rest over resolution.
Naming what hurts
Letting someone witness your story without rushing to fix it.
Checking Out: when baggage becomes too heavy may look like:
Sometimes, the weight of what you carry makes you want to leave.
You might feel like therapy isn’t working, or that you’re too broken to belong.
But checking out doesn’t mean failure—it means pause. it means you’re listening to your limits.
If you are emotionally checking out, ask yourself:
• Am I leaving to avoid feeling, or to protect myself?
• What do I need before I can return?
• Can I leave the door ajar?
Even in departure, the Hotel of Love holds your room. No shame. No judgment. Just a quiet promise: You can come back.
Lingering in the Lobby: The Space Between
Many clients find themselves here, hovering in the in-between states. Not quite ready to dive deep, but not willing to walk away. This is a sacred space. The lobby is where curiosity lives. Where questions and perceptions echo gently. Where you sip metaphorical rainbow tea and wonder: What would healing feel or sound like for me.
Emotional Hospitality Is a Practice
At TLC Counselling Hub, we don’t rush your journey. We offer weighted blankets for your nervous system, a calm, warm, gentle sensory-balanced environment. Where creativeness flows, artistic licences and new ideas flourish, and a rainbow key to unlock the room you need most, when you need it the most!
So whether you’re checking in, checking out, or simply catching your breath in the lobby, you are safe, you are welcome, you are worthy, you are SEEN, you are home!
Why the sea feels So Healing: A counselling perspective on negative ions and well-being.
As counsellors, we often explore how certain environments can support emotional regulation, mental clarity, and a deeper sense of finding inner calm. One such environment that frequently comes up in conversation is the seaside. That unmistakable feeling of peace and renewal you experience when by the sea isn’t just a romantic notion, it has grounding in both science and therapeutic experience.
The science bit behind the sensation!
When we speak about the healing properties of the sea, we’re often referring, in part, to the presence of negative ions. These are molecules in the air that have gained an extra electron, giving them a negative electrical charge. They are naturally produced in abundance around moving water, such as waterfalls, storms, and the breaking waves of the ocean. This phenomenon is known as the Lenard effect: when water droplets collide and disperse, they release these negatively charged ions into the air.
What Does This Mean for Our Well-being?
From a therapeutic lens, what we know about negative ions aligns closely with the principles of emotional and physical restoration. Though research into the exact mechanisms is ongoing, evidence and anecdotal experience suggest the following benefits:
Mood Support & Emotional Regulation Negative ions are believed to increase levels of serotonin, a key neurotransmitter associated with mood balance, sleep regulation, and emotional well-being. This may help explain why we often feel calmer, lighter, or more grounded after time by the sea, particularly for those living with low mood or anxiety.
Mental Clarity & Energy Increased oxygen flow to the brain—another proposed benefit can heighten focus, reduce mental fatigue, and bring a sense of vitality. For those feeling overwhelmed or mentally foggy, the sea air offers a natural invitation to pause, breathe deeply, and re-centre and reground. I call the time I spend by the sea my natural ‘grin and tonic’.
Support for Respiratory Health From a somatic and holistic standpoint, breath is often central in both counselling and self-regulation practices. Negative ions can help purify the air by binding to allergens like dust or pollen, offering a literal breath of fresh air, especially for those with asthma or sensitivities. This can deepen the experience of grounding and presence.
Stress Reduction and Seasonal Low Mood For many clients, especially those affected by stress, depression, or seasonal affective disorder (SAD), time by the sea offers a shift. The combination of soothing sensory input (waves, wind, salt air) and biochemical change supports emotional release, nervous system regulation, and improved perspective.
Why the Sea Holds a Special Place
The seaside, with its ever-moving waves, is a continual generator of negative ions. In contrast to built-up environments, which are filled with positive ions from electronics and urban pollutants, the beach offers a natural detox for both mind and body.
It’s no coincidence that therapeutic practices often encourage grounding in nature. The sea offers multisensory regulation:
The rhythmic sound of waves can calm an overactive nervous system,
Wide horizons can invite a sense of spaciousness and hope,
The natural chemistry of the air supports physical restoration.
An Invitation for you to Reflect….
As a counsellor and psychotherapist, and someone who is deeply connected and drawn to the ocean myself (Thalassophile), consider how your current environment shapes your emotional world.
If you feel more ‘yourself’ by the sea, there is both a physiological and psychological reason for this. Nature, especially water, can act as a co-therapist helping you return to the 4 seas (excuse the pun).
clarity,
calmness,
creativeness
connection.
So next time you’re by the ocean, allow yourself to breathe deeply, slow down, and receive what the natural world so generously offers. It is only an Ion away!
Yesterday was all about self-care, slowing down, switching off, and reconnecting with nature on my paddleboard.
Just me, the sea and peace..
My work can be incredibly rewarding but also deeply challenging. I support people struggling with suicidal thoughts, anxiety, trauma, and self-harm from all walks of life. Whilst I’ve built strong tools and boundaries over the years, I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t sometimes take its toll.
That’s why I have to actively let go. When I reach the water’s edge, I mentally take off the weight of the week and leave it behind.
Out there, floating on the water, it’s just me and the present moment. And honestly, what else do we ever truly have but now?
“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes… including you.” — Anne Lamott
Then there might be a valid explanation for that; it’s called alexithymia. This personality trait makes it difficult for individuals to recognise, verbalise, understand, or express emotions.
While it’s not a clinical diagnosis, alexithymia is often linked to conditions like depression, anxiety, autism, ADHD, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
The word comes from Greek and roughly means “no words for emotions.”
Key Characteristics:
Difficulty Identifying and describing feelings:
Trouble verbalising emotions:
Limited imagination and fantasy:
Externally oriented thinking:
Impact and associations:
Relationship difficulties:
Mental health conditions:
Somatic symptoms:
Interoception:
It is important to note that this list is not fully exhaustive and should not be used as a diagnostic tool!
So, is this a new thing?
Alexithymia is a term you may not have heard before, but it describes something many people experience difficulty identifying, distinguishing, and expressing emotions. This can influence how someone connects with their feelings at work, in relationships, and even in their self-awareness.
It was first introduced in research during the 1970s, though it’s not considered a clinical diagnosis. It’s estimated to affect around 10% of the general population.
Recognising alexithymia in someone else can be challenging. Often, individuals don’t even realise they’re experiencing it themselves. It’s a deeply internal experience, making it harder to spot from the outside.
Alexithymia is closely linked to interoception, our ability to sense, interpret, and label internal bodily states. People with reduced interoception, a condition sometimes called alexisomia, may struggle to even recognise basic physical cues like hunger, thirst, fatigue, arousal, or pain.
It is so hard to explain how I’m feeling!
Alexithymia and Autism
It is important to recognise that alexithymia is not a uniform or monolithic construct; rather, it presents considerable individual variability. Prevalence rates are notably higher among autistic individuals, with estimates ranging from 33% to 66%, in contrast to approximately 10% in the general population.
Elevated rates of alexithymia have also been observed in individuals diagnosed with ADHD, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety disorders, and depression.
For some, alexithymia appears to be a longstanding trait present from early development, while for others, it may emerge later in life, often in response to psychological trauma.
Is there a cure?
While alexithymia isn’t something that’s “cured” in a traditional sense, there are effective coping mechanisms and strategies that can help individuals manage it and improve emotional awareness over time.
Helpful Suggestions…
🧠Psychological & Therapeutic Approaches
Psychotherapy (especially CBT or MBT)
Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT)
Mindfulness-based therapies
📓 Practical Daily Coping Strategies
Journaling
Emotion wheels or charts
Body check-Ins
Structured reflection
🤝 Social & Support-Based Strategies
Talking to trusted people
Group therapy or peer support groups
🧩 Creative Outlets
Art, Music, dance, or movement exercise, nature blue & green therapy!
I hope this article has been useful, and please share if it resonated with you today!
The TLC Director & Founder Nicky Bates loves a good challenge especially when it comes to health & Fitness!
Nicky decided to support Cancer Research’s September Plank challenge by planking for 2 minutes every day in September. The reason behind her why was a close friend’s son was diagnosed with testicular cancer just before his 18th birthday.
Nicky is doing the challenge for this young man and all the other people who have been touched by this cruel disease.
You can still donate to this fabulous cause and help Nicky help others.
Our senses, especially sight and hearing, gather vital information about the world around us. But to make that information useful our minds need to make sense of it. This mental process of organizing and receiving information from our senses is known as The Perception Process!
There is a huge amount of information in what we see and hear. Our minds examine this incoming information and try to make sense of it and figure out what is important by looking for patterns. For example, when we see a square, our minds don’t just see a collection of four lines but recognize that particular arrangement of lines as a square.
Wolfgang Köhler and Max Wertheimer, were the first to notice how our minds try to see if things have a recognizable form, or “essence”—what they called, in German, a Gestalt.
Gestalt therapy is a holistic, evidence-based approach to mental health that can be effective because it helps people connect with themselves and their deeper experiences. The therapy focuses on the present moment and how thoughts, emotions, and behaviors are connected.It views the individual as a whole, including their mind, body, emotions, and spirit.
Unlike other forms of therapy, gestalt therapy focuses on identifying a client’s current life challenges rather than addressing their past.
Gestalt therapy emphasizes the importance of understanding a person’s life in context rather than solely the issue at hand. It focuses on establishing self-awareness, which eventually enables a client to overcome their present life challenges.
The main advantage of Gestalt therapy is its ability to help individuals understand concepts better. By understanding concepts, you will gain insight into your surroundings and therefore become aware of things around you. You will notice patterns and relationships that exist among objects and events.
Gestalt therapy helps clients focus on the present to understand what is actually happening in their lives at this moment, and how it makes them feel in the moment, rather than what they may assume to be happening based on past (depression) or future (anxiety) experiences.
Gestalt therapy is often a good choice for people who want to improve their self-awareness. It can help those who have anxiety, depression and self-esteem issues, among other conditions.
How do we make sense of the world? What do you see flowers, a face, or both?
It has profound effects on various mental health concerns such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), mood disorders, addiction, and even relational issues.
Unresolved trauma, distress, and anxiety contribute to prolonged and negative emotional, mental, and physical effects. Gestalt therapy can help to remove any physical, mental, and emotional blocks from the past while staying focused on the present moment.
It helps clients hold themselves accountable for the things they can control while simultaneously encouraging clients to let go of past experiences that seem to control their behavior today.
Clients who experience this form of therapy tend to struggle with current behaviors as they were shaped from previous traumatic experiences. Therapy sessions aim to help clients remove unwanted thoughts and pre-programmed responses that had become a habit at the cause of their past trauma.
Gestalt therapy works because it emphasizes mindfulness. When a client becomes grounded in their present moment, they can start to understand their patterns of behaviours or as I often say their way of being.
Is Gestalt better than CBT?
There are many similarities between Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Gestalt Therapy, but Gestalt is the better option for people hoping to explore their internal selves in a freeing and creative environment, and looking for long term solutions to deep and complex issues.
Lets Get Creative
The great thing about using the Gestalt approach is it can actually make counselling fun and something to be enjoyed rather than endured! I use mood cards, whiteboards, worksheets sand trays, and other forms of creative media.
This type of therapy works very well with creative, artistic, and the neurodiverse community as well as all the ‘out-the-box thinkers’ out there!
It can unlock the unconscious mind in a safe contained way which allows the client to process the work in their own time and space.
Over at the TLC Counselling Hub I have been working very closely with neurodiverse clients from all walks of life. This includes clients who are currently either waiting for assessments and diagnosis, or clients who already have this information.
One thing I always say is that labelling someone does not define who they are. In fact, by labelling someone it can be harmful and damaging. It’s like putting people into a box, but one that is unhelpful, uncertain and one that can create societal stigmas.
I embrace my client’s neurodiversity as their own unique way of being. I endeavour to ‘see’ the client and go beyond any label they may or not have been diagnosed with.
No Mind left behind
There has been a real surge in Neurodiversity over the last few years and it seems very topical at the moment. I personally as a therapist, have seen a sharp increase in teenagers and young adults who have sadly fallen through the net accessing my services recently.
These young clients are often in crisis by the time they walk through the Hub door. They are usually in the burn-out spiral and are ready to give up. They predominantly have been misunderstood, misinterpreted, misdiagnosed and often mismanaged their entire lives.
The good news is Neurodiversity is not just a buzz word anymore. In fact we have just had Neurodiversity Celebration Week 18th-24th March so what does it all mean and how best can we describe it?
Neurodiversity is a word used to describe the very different thinking styles that affect how people communicate and perceive the world around them. I say how they interpret incoming stimuli.
Neurodiversity is an umbrella term – a word that sums up lots of different things. It includes autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia and Tourette’s to name but a few!
So is Neurodiversity very common?
Actually yes it is, around 15-20% of all the people living in the world are thought to have a neuro-difference of some type. No two people will be affected in the same way. At the TLC Hub I look at the best ways of working with my neurodiverse clients. I often say to facilitate their way forward I need to obtain a footstep into your world and see what your landscape looks like. Only then can I glimpse on what their needs may be.
I really enjoy working with Neurodivergent clients, as usually they have the most fascinating illuminating brains, which can be depicted as their super-power but can also be their nemesis! Fundamentally whatever their diagnosis, or Neurodivergent type may be, I see them as human being first and foremost, and being human is what it’s all about.
28-12-22
Be the difference that makes a difference… we left behind some hope!
The Terres De Extreme Expedition Team, Teachers & Children at As-Eyla School Djibouti November 2022
How it all began
We headed off the four of us from Andover to Heathrow airport on a cold unremarkable November day. What we could not have possibly known back then sat in the departure lounge, was that we were embarking on a trip of a lifetime. Or more importantly a trip that was going to become life changing for the volunteers involved!
8 hrs later stepping off the plane into the very warm African sunshine, I felt a real sense of excitement of what this trip had in store. Little did I know that I, along with the rest of the team would be leaving behind a sense of hope to a small village in the middle of the African desert!
As-Eyla sits 3 miles from the Ethiopian border and approximately 99 miles from Djibouti City. This inspiring story starts with the vision of one-man, the very humble Jordan Wylie. Jordan made a promise to a young lad to build him a school and 4 years later in 2021 he did just that!
Due to Jordan’s amazing fund-raising achievements, he single handily paddle boarded around the UK in extreme often brutal conditions. His valiant efforts raised the vital funds that were needed for the school to be built. Our group of 12 volunteers from all walks of life were the first to go out and see the finished result. The trip had so many pinch me moments and highlights that will stay we me for a lifetime.
One of my personal highlights was working with Rhianna, a young, gifted artist who must take all the credit for having the vision of creating the stunning rainbow. With some cord from an unused mosquito net and a pencil tied to it, Rhianna skilfully and painstakingly drew the arcs in 37+ degree heat! It was a real joy to see the rainbow starting to take shape.
The painting team were inside mixing the colours to the right consistency for the rainbow paint to go onto the wall. I think you will agree the result is absolutely stunning!
So how did we leave behind some hope?
For months we had been planning, fundraising, making school packs, making jewellery, collecting toothbrushes, toothpaste, (courtesy of the very generous New Street Dental Practice https://newstreetdentalcare.co.uk/) t-shirts, book bags, caps, again very kindly donated by a local company Stitch A Logo https://www.stitch-a-logo.co.uk and a huge variety of other resources to take out to a very unsuspecting community.
I decided to take out 150 rainbow bear necklaces
During the pandemic, as well as the weekly clapping, we used rainbows to signify hope to support and encourage our amazing frontline workers. Fast forward nearly three years and we were able to leave some hope behind in the form of a rainbow for the children, teachers and community of As-Eyla! The outstanding thing is that all the children I worked with had never seen a rainbow let alone drawn one!
The rainbow is an iconic symbol biblical even, in the bible, a rainbow is the symbolism ofcovenant and making promises. You will find out that God used the rainbow to make a promise to Noah after the flood. Many will also associate rainbows with art as it’s something often used early in life when learning to draw, paint, or colour and rainbows are also an excellent example that is used to teach children about different colour. It has been used in songs telling us that dreams really will come true!
For the LGBTQ+ community the rainbow symbol demonstrates equality and diversity which is represented by the unification of the colours of the rainbow.
For me when setting up the TLC Counselling Hub I chose the rainbow as my logo to signify hope- for my clients, it also helped me remember my why- and what that represented to me and my personal journey.
An appearance of a rainbow after a dark time in someone’s life, is often said to act as a sign of a new beginning and offers hope and promise of a brighter future ahead.
Being at the school with all those beautiful, happy, smiling faces was what the trip was all about for me. I felt alive, human in a very humbling human moment!
The Creative Duo Rhianna & Nicky leaving behind some hope!
What else did we get up to o this amazing expedition?
Yes, without doubt we all had an amazing time at the school, but there was also the ‘Terres De Extreme’ part to this expedition we also:
got to swim with whale sharks and take part in an important marine study.
did a beach clear up on the beautiful desolate but plastic strewn beaches.
got to dive, snorkel paddleboard in beautiful unseen/unspoilt turquoise seas
Slept outside on the boat and gazed up at the stars
Visited to Lac Assal ‘the honey sea’ third saltiest lake on the planet and boy it did it sting the eyeballs! lac http://lac assal
3+hour desert trek in 38-degree heat complete with camels, singing and team work!
Early morning buggy ride to watch the sunrise in the very beautiful but dystopian Lac Abbe http://lac abbe
Desert survival session- doing it the local way.
Agroforestry regeneration project. We also had the privilege to plant a tree at the Neem Farm in memory of loved ones and personalise a stone to leave at our tree.
Basket weaving with the ladies of the community at the Neem Farm.
participate in a very closely run footy match with the community in attendance
Dance with the local teenagers one evening- glow sticks were a huge hit (thanks Lee)
Planting a tree at the Neem Farm was a very significant moment for us.
I guess the one thing I will take from this life changing expedition, is the people. The many different inspirational people I met along the way from all walks of life.
None of this could have been possible without Jordan though. One of the most inspirational, humblest people I have have met (and trust me I’ve met a few over the years!) He is like a magnet and people young and old are drawn to his illuminating, and yet calming influential personality.
I believe we all came away with a sense of purpose, fulfilment personal achievements and most importantly some hope for the future.
Hard at work Jordan Wylie Extreme Adventurer & Team Leader
It’s not too late to support this or many of the other wonderful projects that the Frontline Children organisation are involved in. As the big fella says, ‘be the difference that makes a difference’!https://www.frontlinechildren.org
“Children are ultimately the innocent victims of war, and we must do everything we can to help” – Jordan Wylie
Ambassador, Frontline Children
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